”Happiness is not having to lie on the floor dead alone. Happiness is not having to…” -Poison The Well
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted on this thing, which is a sad, sad thing because blogging has always been a great passion in my life—fuck, I went to school for it. Well, I’m back now and this time I’ve got no one or no thing holding me back. For the past year, I’ve been so self-absorbed in trying to make a very toxic relationship work and in the end it failed. Miserably—which is why I’ve been feeling so close to this song today.
I shouldn’t have had to put myself through so much self-abuse solely in the name of “love” or “happiness.” It should have just flowered on its own, but instead I put so much pressure on myself to love and support someone who barely appreciated my efforts. It’s kinda like sacrificing yourself as a hostage in order to save a group of innocent children only to find out that in your death, the children died anyways. So self-defeating.
You’d think that love would conquer all if both parties were so committed to each other… Right now, I don’t feel like that’s how it works. In the end, we both wanted to be happy, but instead we were so preoccupied in our own uncertainties that we drove each other apart.
I don’t ever wanna deal with something of this magnitude ever again. At the end of the day, I’m always left feeling used, abused, and unappreciated. Never again. Don’t go picking strays off the streets. You’ll just end up bit and disappointed.